Koh Phagnan and Bangkok: Ladyboys, Blackeyes and Thunderstorms...

After 2 nights sampling the crazy of Bangkok, I decide it's time to escape the city and head south for some far-flung sun-drenched beach, where I can while away my days drinking cocktails, sunbathing and reading.  This is the dream.  Unfortunately, the reality does not quite match up...

My destination of choice is Koh Phagnan, a little jungle-clad island on the Gulf coast of Thailand, most famous for the hedonisitc Full Moon Party that takes place at the end of each month.  Still feeling a bit down and quite frankly developing an aversion the full-on "backpackers"  that dominate the Thai travel scene, I decide to avoid the full moon resorts and head to the north of the island, where I'm promised peace, tranquility and sunshine.

So I leave Bangkok around 8pm in the evening, and by 10 am the next morning (after a very hairy bus ride) I am on the boat bound for Koh Phagnan, feeling tired, jaded and slightly disoriented by just how many tourists are crammed on to it..  Because the one boat will make several stops at different islands along the way, everyone is given a different coloured sticker to wear, to let the boat staff know where you're going.    Obviously this is completely logical, but I can't help but feel as though I'm being herded along on some hideous 18-30 package holiday.  Full of "Brits Abroad" type characters, all crisply burnt and proudly wearing their best football shirts.  Am I in Thailand or Magaluf...?
Luckily, while I'm on the boat, my best friend from back home just happens to stroll on board, so for the next few hours at least, we enjoy a catch up and chat.  Small world indeed!

As per usual, my careful plannng (ha!) comes back to bite me on the ass, and what I fail to actually reearch is that the Gulf Coast of Thailand  is slap bang in he middle of the monsoon.... So my first problem strikes as soon as I arrive at Thong Sala pier; the beach I am meant to be staying at is so remote that it is only accessable by longtail boat.  And the weather is so stormy that the boats are not running...
So time for plan B.  Unfortunately, I don't have a plan B, so hop on the first Songthaew (shared pick-up truck) that's heading north.  I meet 2 French girls there, who are staying at the idyllic Haad Salad beach, so I rock up there hoping to find somewhere to stay, and luckily they do.  So for the next best part of a week, I enjoy the comfort of a lovely little beach bungalow, all for 300 bahts per night, which I deem to be pretty reasonable considering the Full Moon usually drives prices up across the whole island.

The majority of my stay is peppered with amazing sky-splitting thunderstorms, but it's not all rain and clouds; sunshine appears most days in enough bursts to allow to me swim, sunbathe and take walks along the beach (I reaise this is beginning to sound like a very bad personal ad...)
During periods of prolonged rain, I can be found lying in a hammock on my balcony, drinking Chang and reading.  Bliss!

After a week of total relaxation (in spite of the Chinese family who seem to appear wherever I am and INSIST on asking overly personal questions/making videos of me on their camera phones), I decide I want to spend a few weeks in the north of Thailand.  But first, I have to head back to Bangkok...

Again, it's another night-bus situation, filled with illegal manouvres, crazy overtaking and a driver who probably bought his license from a dodgy dealer on the Khao San Road...
Thankfully, I have some company on this journey, in the form of Mitsy, an English girl completing a year-long trip in Australia with a holiday in Thailand. She's with 2 other girls (who sadly have food poisoning) and suggests I join them when we get to Bangkok.
The bus is due to arrive at 6am, but annoyingly it arrives 2 hours ahead of schedule (when does that ever happen...?!) so the 4 of us are ditched at the road-side in a non-descript part of the city feeling sleepy and confused.
A short taxi ride later and we're at a hostel on the Khao San Road practically begging them for rooms. Luckily they can accommodate us in 2 twin rooms, and its only 175 bahts each, with air-con. After a much-needed sleep, me and Mitsy decide to head out and explore some parts of Bangkok that neither of us has seen yet.  First top, Chinatown!

We take a boat down the river and get off at the pier closest to Chinatown (which is definitey a good idea considering the crazy traffic here...) and are immediately struck by a wave of people, shops. traffic, heat...  Chinatown is absolutely mental!  This is the archetype of Bangkok; frantic, bustling and relentless.  I love it!  But in small doses...

So we head back to the releative calm of the Khao San Road (!) and freshen up, ready for a night of drinking. After a few Changs we head to  busy bar, and watch the world go by with a bottle of rum for company.  The Khao San Road is the perfect spot for people watching.  Amongst the tourists there are locals, ladyboys (obvious by their jaw-lines and prominent Adam's apples..) and people who look downright lost and overwhelmed.  
As the evening progresses we meet a couple of guys and the 4 of us decide to go to Le Club (I actually can't remember if that's what it's called...) for a spot of dancing.  It's a total sweaty meat-market, but a lot of fun nonetheless.  Mental dancing tourists, Thai girls dancing round their handbags lookig a tad desperate, and plenty of sleazy 'lads'.  Almost like a night ut in Glasgow.
All is going just grand until a very drunk guy, who is dancing far too vigorously, gets a little too close nd (accidentally) headbuts me.  Resulting in a swollen a bruised eye the next morning. Excellent!  Luckily it's nothing a bit of concealer and a large pair of dark glasses wont cover.

Hangover-free, my second time in Bangkok comes to an end and I decide to start working my way north.  Time for a change of scenery!

Koh Phagnan: Stayed at Sea Salad beach huts at Haad Salad Beach.  300 baht per night for a spacious bungalow and very friendly service.  Haad Saad is accessable by shared taxi, and should cost about 150 baht for a one-way journey.  "My Way" restaurant is also a great choice for food, right on he beach.  Cost of overnight bus/boat from Bangkok to Koh Phagnan should cost from 850 baht upwards.

Bangkok:  Stayed at My Friends guest house, in the Banglampoo district.  A double room set us back 350 baht.  Dorm available from around 100 baht.
Single trip on the river boat cost 15 baht
Haggling in the markets is a must, and I ususally managed to get around 50% knocked off the asking price.

Berlin, Bangkok and beyond...

Its been an interesting few weeks, with a fair share of ups and downs, but i guess these bumps in the road make for interesting reading, so do let me indulge you...

I left Scotland last week, not so much on a high as a mediocre note, for various (man related) reasons that I will not bore you with. Luckily, my first stop was Berlin, one of my favourite places on earth. If anything has the ability to cheer me up, its most definitely a crazy night in the coolest city around. I arrived midday and managed to navigate my way to Kreuzberg, where my friend Ross was meeting me.
Ross is an artist, ocassionally working and living in Berlin, so knows all the hipster hangouts, squats and abandoned warehouses within a 20 mile radius. After a quick walk around Kreuzberg, its obvious that there has been some changes since I was last in the city. Most notably, there is a greater presence of makeshift camps and squats dotted around the city, emerging amidst the wasteland which is so abundant here. Apparently the burgeoning econimic crisis across Europe is facilitating this big influx of people. Nonetheless, the 'campers' are resourceful, constructing almost entire villages from discarded items. Perhaps my favourite is a little settlement aptly named 'Villa Disaster' which sits in the shadow of an abandoned ice factory.

Armed with some beer, we climb the rather precarious looking steps of this grafitti-covered paradise and watch taggers at work, houseproud squatters furiously sweeping their camps, and finally, a hazy sun setting behind the clouds.
We have dinner that evening with an artist friend of Ross, one of he most prolific and exciting artists working in Germany right now.  Even getting a glimpse in to his studio is a real privelige; not only is it a massive, open space, but it is quite literally covered with his art, from tiny frantic sketches to imposing works that dominate whole walls.
After abusing our hosts hospitality till the wee small hours, me and Ross decide to hit up a a bar. It may be 5am but there are no rules here. If you're drinking, they're serving. Thet are few other cities in the world where the barman is happy to pour himelf a pint and skin up a joint to share with his patrons! Naturally, by the time we leave it's light and my liver is weeping. Instead of a stumble home, we try to weave our way through Gorlitzer Park, running the gauntlet of drug dealers peddling their wares. No mean feat!

My final day in Berlin is spent in a hungover fog, but strangely, that feels ok. Most days this city feels like its nursing a giant collective hangover. In the evening,  I have to catch a flight out of Tegel airport, bound for Bangkok.
My flight, which makes a brief but expensive stopover in Abu Dhabi, (4 quid for a dish-water coffee!) is a relatively pain free experience, although I do notice a particulary disproportionate number of single older male travellers (socks and sandals, bumbag clad, impressive moustaches). I'm sure they're all going to Thailand for the culture...

When I finally arrive in Bangkok, its early evening and darkness has fallen already. Undeterred, I decide to figure out how to negotiate the public transport system to get to my hostel, which is in the downtown Silom district. Surprisingly, the public transport system here is smooth, efficient and clean- certainly nothing like the Bombay-esque chaos I had envisaged. A short ride on the futurisic air-conditoned Sky Train and im at my hostel in no time at all.  And all for the grand total of around 75 pence. 

The first thing that strikes me about Bangkok is how oppressively hot and humid it is, even at night. So my first stop at the hostel is a cold shower, a beer and then bed. Perfect.
The following day I head out to explore the city, and there is not nearly as much of a culture shock as i'd imagined. The western world is abundant here, and catered for at every turn. In fact its almost disappointing and discocerting to see how many MacDonalds, Starbucks, Tescos and Burger Kings there are.
Nonetheless its a cool city and enjoy my time there, taking a boat ride up the Chao Phraya river, exploring the vastly touristic Khao San road, experiencing my first bone-crunching thai massage and checking out the knock off goods on offer at the Patpong night market. Its a truly bizarre place to spend a few hours; alongside stalls flogging fake Ray Bans and Jimmy Choos, there are seedy bars enticing people in to watch a whole host of ridiculous sex shows. As intrigued as i am, i manage to resist the temptation to pay £20 to watch Ting Ting perform 'pussy tricks' with a ping pong ball...

Back at the hostel, I get chatting to a canadian man, who makes no secret of the fact that hecomes to Thailand purely for sex tourism.  He tells me that it is important for him that the prostitute, whoever he/she may be, gets as much pleasure from the experience as he does. Its tricky for me to reconcile what he is saying; perhaps I am being naive but I doubt that most people working in the sex trade do so purely out of thier love of sex.  Arguably the type of gratification that they get is purely monetary, and nothing to do with the fact that another ageing tourist wants to have sex with them.

After 2 nights in the city, I decide to leave Bangkok and head south for the islands for a few days.  Undoubtedly I'll be back here in the next few weeks, so I don't want to burn out too early.  I've enjoyed my first experience of this crazy Thai dystopia, and despite various warnings from friend to "get out" quickly, I never once felt anything but safe and relaxed here. 
Nontheless, a few days of total beach relaxation are calling....

Bangkok

Where to stay:  Mile Map Hostel in the Silom district.  Clean, spacious and hot running water! Very well connected to the BTS Skytrain, good markets and the Chao Prayha River.  I paid 300 baht (per night) for a comfy dorm bed.

Where to Eat: On the street!  Stalls selling pretty much everything for the equivalent of 30p unwards.  Pad Thia is always a good bet.

Unwind:  Go for a traditional Thai massage.  Shops offering them are everyhwere, and generally charge 200-300 baht per hour (4-6 pounds).

Get Around:  Use the ultra cheap and efficient Metro or SkyTrain.  Tickets around around 20 baht per journey.  Taking a boat along the river is also a great (and breezy) way to see the city and escape the humidity.  An all day ticket will set you back around 150 baht (3 pounds) or alternatively by singles for around 15 baht each (30 p).  Its a very easy city to navigate alone, so dont get ripped off in taxis or tuk-tuks!

Drink: Aside from as much water as you can stomach, it has to be Chang. But be warned, I have it on good authority that the 6.5% labelling is just a guide.  No quality control menas that a can can be anything from 6 - 12 %.  I had a Changover after 2...